What to wear to the Virgin Festival

The Virgin Festival is this weekend in Pimlico, and even though you're going to want to look fashionable, you're also going to want to not sweat out every beer you drink. Actually, this may be a good tactic for avoiding the port-a-potties ... dehydration. However, if you're worried about heat stroke, please do not wear anything with sleeves or long pants. Basically, find the happy medium between this:




(If you wear something like this, I wish gross underboob sweat upon you.)
and this:


(If you wear something like this, I'll forgive you based on the fact that the headliners include the Smashing Pumpkins, the Beastle Boys and 311.)

A tank top or T-shirt and shorts will suffice. Keep it simple. Also, since it is the VIRGIN FESTIVAL, do not wear anything that will make me point to you and say, "Yo, that dude is like, REALLY going to the Virgin Festival."
Like this:

Dinner parties are fashionable, right?

Many a wack dinner party has happened in our fair city of marble and nepotism.

Foie gras? Blah gras.

How does one make a dinner party special these days?

That's right, customized fortune cookies!

1 fortune in 12 cookies - $9
6 different fortunes in 12 cookies - $16
12 different fortunes in 12 cookies - $23
By the Custom Fortune Cookie Company

Some suggestions for fortunes, depending on the tack you want to take:

"Good luck will come to those who give their host $20." -- For the host with least (class, money, scruples... take your pick.)

"_____ is people." -- Insert the name of the dish you just served them. This is for the Harry Harrison buffs and/or fine young cannibals.

"SK8 BOARDING IS NOT A CRIME!" -- For the 13-year-olds in the crowd. What do you even know how to cook, anyhow?

"a/s/l?" -- This is for the internerd who threw a dinner party for all the "people" she's met online. This is really the only polite way to ask all three of these questions once you've moved past the AIM stage of a relationship.

Obligatory St. Patrick's day acknowledgement.

Maybe I'm a St. Patty's day scrooge because I'm so heartbreakingly Irish.

Or it's because bright green beer freaks me out.

Most probably both.

In any case, I wouldn't want to stifle anyone else's celebration, nor would I want to leave you in the very pinchable situation of a green-less outfit.

So, here you go:

Ring-Green Necklace - $12.50

From Kitengela Glass, a Kenyan company whose beautiful wares are all made from recycled glass. All their pieces are handmade, and packed in recycled materials. They say on their Web site, "Everything is unique -- nothing is wasted."

There are many other lovely items from this company -- all affordable with an earthy look that would go for four or five times as much at, say, Anthropologie.

Erin go braugh?

Please find me cuter shoes for under $20. Please.

Ok, so before anyone gets too excited, these are only available in a size 7.

For those of you with lucky feet:

Dora Kitten Heels - $17.80
From Forever21

The slight height lifts you out of the slush that D.C. is apparently incapable of removing, even weeks after a snowstorm.

The fatter heel will hopefully prevent you from getting stuck in the grooves of the steps on metro escalators.

Not that I've ever gotten stuck. Then fallen down. And panicked. That was just some girl who looked just like me.

Earrings for both the hungry and the nerdy.

My ears aren't pierced.

This means, of course, that I'm fascinated with earrings. Well, not all earrings.

These earrings, specifically:

Lemon and Orange Earrings - $15 (for both)
By Stewart Jewelry Designs

First of all, what's that, like $3.75 a 'rring? Pssh.

Second, I love the bright colors, the fact that they're handmade, and reference citrus.

Third, while they're clearly kitschy, they could easily be worn and appreciated for their simple color/shape.

Say, the lemon pair the day you demand your money back from the craigslist dude who sold you a Nova that won't start.

And these:

Black Cyber Bug Earrings - $10
By Stewart Jewelry Designs

Made out of a set of Hex Inverters, these little guys will look like minimalist black earrings from across the room, and like you've been bugged by the Bush Administration to the person next to you.

Both very happening looks in the district.

I'm glad that at least one jewelry designer understands that not every woman wants to look like a Lisa Frank trapper keeper is attacking her ears.

On second thought, that might be sort of cool.